Soul Shattered Phoenix

Exodus may be an exaggeration.

It just feels so epic and gut wrenching that it deserves a grandiose title today.

I didn’t even finish explaining about all that went on this past month, and I already feel I’ve lived a month more in just a day.

Felicia is gone.

Gone gone.

I don’t know what happened,  but I can guess. I received a call around lunchtime today. I answered but I was just about to board a train by myself and I told her that. So much for coming to the city with me today Felicia…..don’t worry,  I sorted it.

I feel bad, I do, but equally this is not my mess. It’s just a mess I found myself embroiled in as per. Felicia was clearly upset, she wanted Allison’s number. I gave it, I don’t know if I should or not, I wasn’t told not to give it out, but I don’t like not checking first as a rule. Today I made an exception. I always seem to make exceptions to the rules for Felicia, may this be the last. It has to be. 

“I’ve got an eviction notice!”

“What? What happened?”

“I just got an email from Cheryl, it says to speak to Gwenne,  but I’m really not in the right place to speak to Gwenne,  can you just give me Allison’s number?”

“Umm,  yeah, I’ll text it you, I’m just getting on the train at the moment.  Call me, let me know what’s going on, I hope you get… “

She cut me off.

I managed to get the train OK by myself.  Gwenne insisted on running me to the station as it was pouring with rain. I had my knock off Dry Robe, but I’m not sure it’s quite up to task. I have to roll the sleeves over several times so thet don’t get caught in my wheels.  The station staff were pleasant as usual, even though yet again I still didn’t manage to book via passenger assistance 2 hours in advance.  I must get my disabled railcard and bus passes too, I’ll be able to get about much easier. 

Also, next time I’m going to hire a motorised scooter to take into the city. It’s old and cobblestoned.  Going uphill was hard enough and, going downhill in the wet in this cheap chair is actually terrifying.  I survived though, even with train delays, I managed to get back in time for Gwenne to collect me at the station again as the heavens were still open.

Sat now chilling in the kitchen with Shelley and Aisling. Kids are entertained with walkers and colouring activities whilst Aisling finishes her diamond painting.  I think she’s been spurred on by the completion of mine.  I’m now doodling tattoo inspiration ideas with my limited resources. Gwenne found me a few colour biros and paper to draw on, a few sheets to keep me going for now anyway. 

I had a call from Felicia just now, she says Allison will call her back with a final decision in a few hours. I don’t think she should get her hopes up. She asked me to write an email to state that she wasn’t aggressive.  I didn’t see her being aggressive,  however I only saw very little.  I don’t want to get any more mixed up in this mess than I already am, and I don’t even know how I’ve managed it.  I offered to give my version of what I witnessed should anyone ask me. Does it make me a bad person not to go any more out of my way to help? I can’t help feeling guilty,  but I can’t be upsetting people by sticking my two pence in unwarranted and risk my own residence here, I just can’t. 

I have my plea hearing at Crown Court on Friday, I need to keep my head down and keep myself together.